Reverse GBV in Kenya by Maurice Ongala

I thought we could at last join our Kenyan brothers in facing the reality of reverse Gender Based Violence with our usual level heads and open minds. There is no exclusivity in Gender Based Violence. There also exists that reversal of roles from the norm in Gender Based Violence.
Why Reverse?
So why reverse, anyway? Where in the African social fabric is it inscribed that women are to suffer in the hands of men and not the other way? The answer lies in the societal expectations seen in gender roles and made real in the African family set up. The picture in Kenya is worthy of attention and I beg for yours.
In Central Kenya, men physically assaulting their women could as well be regarded a relic. Women in Kenyan cities and townships have been known for battering their husbands to the point of hospitalization, and sometimes death! Ok, this is no exaggeration in case you think so, neither is it an inferred wayward joke. The most interesting portion is that as the women wage the battle, they do most of the screaming, wailing and yelling – you would quickly, but falsely deduce that they are the victims, when the reverse is, sadly, the case! Even more interestingly, when their poor victim husbands get to the health centres and social gatherings with their bruise-littered, utterly damaged faces, broken limbs and/or bandaged parts they go like, ‘mmmh, eeeer, you know I had this almost fatal accident, thanks to God I’m alive…’ and all this manner of pretence continues for almost obvious reasons. The details of the ‘accidents’ often remain concealed, maybe only some FBI probe could do the unveiling. I chuckle.
Now I ask, which one sounds sexy; battering husband or the converse? Well, spouse battering is a criminal offense either way. Doesn’t it amount to domestic violence and physical assault?
Conjugal Rights versus Multiple Concurrencies

Apart from just being a crime, this practice also heightens chances of acquiring HIV among affected couples. Usually after the fight, either of the spouses goes on a sex strike, denying the other their conjugal rights. Keeping multiple concurrent sexual partners, otherwise known informally in Swahili as Mpango wa Kando. It is the direct consequence of such a scenario, in which case, the sex is usually unprotected – you do not know if condoms are ever known behind closed doors.

 
 
Masculinities and Gender
Also commonly reported among Kenyan males overtaken by their masculinities is an incident of forceful sex immediately after the physical fight, just to prove their prowess and weigh ‘who’s stronger now?’;  ignorant of the fact that this could be marital rape not only attracting prosecution in a court of law but also exposing each other to bruises and cuts thereby increasing chances of infection if either of them is already infected.
Now here is the Bull’s Eye: I take the honour of reminding the women involved in husband beating that the offense is spouse battering and not exclusively wife battering, so the law also protects men. Men do need to keep in mind that marital rape is as grave as ‘the other rape’, so which one do we employ, the mind or the muscle? We only need so much enlightenment to appreciate this.
 
 

Maurice Ongala