It no longer takes a village to raise a child. That’s anachronistic. Today, it takes the world to raise a child! One of the greatest influences I had as an adolescent came in form of information about Life Skills and Reproductive Health tips from Action Health Incorporated, a Non-Governmental Organisation where I volunteered and had contact with for a couple of years as an adolescent. They complemented the moral teachings I got from my parents. Then, it was easier to teach young people how to behave and monitor who their friends are. Times have changed and it is now difficult to groom a child. The several new media forms available – mp4 videos, easily accessible music files, millions of e-books, thousands of chat platforms – all share time with teenagers today and influence them. Ground him or her in the room and with a mobile device, you just made his or her day exciting. Today, parents, teachers and NGOs have more work to do than they used to have.
The life of a young person is never blank. It perhaps explains Facebook’s choice of question – what’s on your mind? There is always something on that mind! We are in the age of the digital-haves and the digital-have nots, with parents forming bulk of the latter in term of usage. There should be a sizeable dose of anxiety for parents on what the new media availability presents. With a malleable mind, it would be irresponsible of parents not to watch out for the digital well being of their child(ren). Your child owns a phone and does not understand how deadly it can be to drive and call or text! Your child gets online and you do not understand that there are cyber bullies available in cyber space! Your child has a tablet and you do not understand that mature subjects and inappropriate contents like pornography are available online! You owe it to your child to be a digital guardian as well. See the new media forms as your child going on an excursion with a crowd made of all sorts of persons in a society and he or she is all by himself or herself – no parent, no teacher, no guardian or paid chaperon.
Given the plethora of information and activities available in social media space, it is impossible that parents know all. Open your ears and listen to other parents discuss their digital media rendezvous with you. You can also chat with other kids to know what is trendy and what app is new. That way, you can check and be sure if it’s what you want your children to use. But it also means parents need to learn to be tech savvy at least in the basic form. There’s currently a thriving group of Nigerian bloggers on Facebook, more than 50% of group members are teenagers. I can tell from the interactions, their interests and their profiles. I am amazed at what they do and their cavernous understanding of the nuances of blogging and other web 2.0 advances. My concern is however their drive for blogging. It’s money. Methinks while the skills are admirable and should be encouraged, the focus may be a little too early.
Truth is, your children probably know more than you when it comes to the new media tools. A good place to start is to sit your child down and let him explain what he or she does online. Learn. The new friends your kids have would possibly never knock at your door but they know more about your kids and even you than you can ever imagine. If your teenager’s social media life is dissected, you may possibly be galled. Parents would however need to build a healthy communication atmosphere with their kids if they are to share what they do. Some video games, another new media form not only teach children a culture of violence, they equally keep them away from their studies. It’s appropriate to place a time limit and also verify how imposing the motion images may be to their mind. You may also want to set up a Google alert for instance in your child’s name or even nick name. It allows you have foreknowledge of what he or she is up to online. Checking the browsing history occasionally on the phone is also a way to help.
Parents and guardians need to teach adolescents that nothing shared or expressed online is private. In an age where foreign education is desired, parents need to know that admission officers in western countries now check online. It’s part of the background checking process and the Boston bombing by those two foreign students would further scale it up. Your child’s online reputation is worth being protected. If your child is on Facebook, then you want to be sure he or she is friends with you. You can almost tell what’s wrong with a child if you follow his or her digital trail. It would be fair if you instruct your child never to register on any social media site without your permission. A number of adults have come in harm’s way from social media use. Children are thus evidently more vulnerable.
You must have noticed some digital pictures, especially on blackberries and lewd jokes about the infamous Akpos. Your child would see them and form impressions or images in his or her mind. You need to stand in the gap to either explain or prevent frequent exposure to such. It’s ok when they make mistakes in social media usage. Those errors are part of the learning process. Inform them why it’s wrong to put their phone numbers and addresses online. Let them know it’s immoral to keep the phone under the couch and record mum and dad’s conversation. It’s intrusion and anybody can later lay hands on the private discussion.
On another front, it’s inappropriate for social media know-how parents to share their teenager son’s or daughter’s pictures online without their knowledge and permission. Teenagers also have rights.
I called a couple of friends in some highbrow schools in Lagos and Abuja, there’s currently no school doing anything on digital media safety for children yet, especially those in senior secondary classes. I stoutly think the time is ripe. Maybe parents should share the weight of this responsibility with schools and push for this at the Parents Teachers Association meetings. Beyond the red flags, a lot of children end up with assignments done by Mr. Wikipedia! I think it’s time they are taught how to research assignments without plagiarising. If they are old enough to ping and get on 2go, then they are old enough to learn. Who says parenting is easy!
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‘Sola Fagorusi
Sola Fagorusi is a youth development advocate, freelance writer, accomplished debater cum coach. The Obafemi Awolowo University graduate has about 10 years experience in social entrepreneurship which straddles leadership, good governance cum anti-corruption and adolescent reproductive health. The Leap Africa alumnus is also a trained peer educator, a DESPLAY alumnus and co-facilitator. For 2 years now, he has been a technical consultant and lead judge on the Intra-Faith Peace Youth TV Debate Project facilitated by Youngstars Foundation and the British High Commission. To read his full profile, click here
